Thursday, 11 August 2011
What's In a Name?
Several months ago, a conversation started with the idea of naming Dan’s penis. I am not sure how it began. It might be the fun of doing it, an intimate gesture between us (yeah, by naming each other’s sexual organs), or simply finding a secret, less straightforward way to talk about them in public without scaring strangers.
I remember similar themes appeared in How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days and Sex and the City. I guess it was expectable that most men want their penises to have strong, powerful and masculine names, and calling them Princess or Dolly would be unacceptable. But what would men prefer? Thunder sounds powerful enough, but would it not be too...fast? Dan mentioned that perhaps Hulk would probably be quite popular, but all it meant to me is something greenish (and my first reaction to the grey version will be...dead body). An easier option is ‘Little’ followed by the man’s name, so in Dan’s case, he would be Little Danny.
The problem is I really could not think of any name proper for my vagina. My favorite things are animal plush toys. I quite enjoy naming them as Punchou, Poki, Mori, Lalu...but I really don’t think my imagination works for sexual organs. I like animals, but I am more than reluctant to call her Panda or Catty. In fact, I will probably be quite happy to address my vagina as him instead of any feminine name. In the end, Dan and I spent much more time discussing names for penis than for vagina.
Naming was quite a difficult task, but I did manage to give him (Dan’s penis) a name. I call him Hamster. Dan, of course, was quite resistant even though he is saying now that he would not mind. However, his resistance was quite understandable if you know where the idea came from. It was all himself to blame. One or two days before the naming discussion, we were watching Bill Bailey’s standup comedy show in which he sang, ‘I’ve got a ham but I’m not a hamster.’ I literally laughed for more than five minutes and every time I rewound I laughed again. Dan had every reason to concern that I would laugh out loud once Hamster is mentioned again in every situation. I guess I am quite used to the name now, so I do not laugh anymore. When it is not erected, I even jokingly call him sprout sometimes. :P
What would you name your Her/Him?